I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
