i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
