And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i think my cat just said my name.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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