i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
