We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
