Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
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I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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