hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
