I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
