FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
