im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
