Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
