i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
