ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
