you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
