i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
