I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
