Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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