He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
