And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
