He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
