There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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