So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
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Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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