i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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