I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
