if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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