your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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