my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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