I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
