my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
