You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
