I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize