It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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