So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
