I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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