what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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