I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
