I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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