Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
