I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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