I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize