THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
