I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
