the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
