you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
