Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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