I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize