Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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