Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
