She is in my trunk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
