i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
