I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
