i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
