I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
