just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
