I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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