Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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