How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
