I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
