U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
