I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
