I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Damn victory sex feels great
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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