i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
