remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm jealous of your bromance
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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