I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
