You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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