You're my little dorito
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
