Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I cut my penus on the lid.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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