They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
