Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
