She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
