someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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