I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
