nut hugger
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
