I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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