he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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