She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
