the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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