best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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