i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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