just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drunk is not a location!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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