The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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