Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
