I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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